I can not remember any other time I felt like this. I do not remember the last time I sat outside in the sun and read a book. The sun and I have a complicated relationship. As someone who could rival Anne Rice’s Vampire in terms of having pale skin, the sun has always been to me the inconvenient cause of sunburn. I love the sun’s beauty at golden hour, and I love being outdoors, but my goodness, putting on sunscreen and intense heat can get annoying. Yet, there I was reading The Confederacy of Dunces, The Awakening, and writing this post on the porch of the house as the sun rose.
For the first time I can remember, it felt like I wasn’t reading for a class, but for fun. I do find it incredibly humorous that I am a Narrative Studies major (which falls under the English department) who doesn’t often read for fun. That’s why I love taking classes with assigned reading, it gives me the motivation to read books I otherwise would not. But as I’m reading Kate Chopin’s The Awakening, I feel motivated to keep reading, not because we have to discuss the story in a seminar later, but because I want to know what happens. I am interested in Enda’s journey, and above all else, I am having fun.
This discovery felt like I was in my own sort of awakening. However, unlike the main character Enda, who discovers love and liberation, ultimately to realise that she can’t live the life she wants in 1870s society, my awakening was much less life-or-death. Still, both our awakenings happen in a similar way, at the beaches of Grand Isle, in a slow, unceremonious way.
Image of sunrise at Grand Isle
While Edna swam to discover freedom, I read the book outside and on a couch. I made myself comfortable, I listened to the audiobook as I read along, and I became so relaxed that I needed to sit up to prevent myself from falling asleep. These actions are what led me to my awakening, but it wasn’t until the last day at Grand Isle that I made my full discovery.
If there is one thing you should know about me, it is that I am not a morning person; I am a night owl through and through. Yet, when someone suggested waking up early to watch the sunrise, I woke up at way too early o’clock to find that I was the only student sitting outside on the porch watching the sun rise. This is when I fully realized my awakening. The first part of this bookingpacking trip was about relaxing, and for the first time since last summer, I was fully and truly relaxed. And for the first time in recent memory, I was relaxed while doing work for a class. It is something about the bookpacking experience that allowed me to read with a sense of freedom and fun that Edna finds in the ocean.
“[Edna] turned her face seaward to gather in an impression of space and solitude, which the vast expanse of water, meeting and melting with the moonlit sky, conveyed to her excited fancy. As she swam, she seemed to be reaching out for the unlimited in which to lose herself.”
I have ADHD, Dyslexia, and Dyscalculia, which makes reading feel slightly daunting and draining at times. But there I was staying up late to read and waking up early to see the sun. Something that would never have happened without bookpacking. Bookpacking also improved my relationship with the sun. Because of how exciting travel can be, I don’t mind putting on sunscreen as much, and the ocean breeze helps with the heat.
Similarly to when Enda feels rushes of joy when she learns how to swim, she begins drawing again, and she buys her new cottage. I felt excitement and joy for our trips to the different spots on the island, even the drive was fun because of all the colorful houses. I was eager to hear what my classmates thought of the stories we were reading and excited to watch TV with them at night (even though horror is not my genre of choice). I became so in love with Grand Isle that I started building a home in Minecraft that was inspired by the beautiful and colorful architecture of the raised houses. I even started taking pictures of houses I liked on the way to the supermarket to use as reference photos.
There was a short moment when I became a little sad. It wasn’t because we were leaving Grand Isle, because I am more than excited to see New Orleans, but because I realized that I have been stressed and overloaded with things to do for so long. Like how Edna feels ennui, I felt that I had unintentionally been hurting myself by working on too many things, leading to massive burnout. I felt guilty because I had forgotten how to relax while also working on assignments. Although it is true that this semester I may have bit off more than I can chew, I have to give myself grace. Grand Isle has let me take a step back and reflect on my life, and at the end of the day, I’m a rising Junior who is still trying to master what is a manageable workload and discover what I want to do with my life. I may have a bit of guilt for pushing myself to the limit, but I am glad I am pursuing different paths to find what I like, love, and hate. And if it wasn’t for my adventurous attitude, I might have never gone bookpacking.
As someone who comes from a family of travelers and loves to travel, we have a saying: traveling changes you. I always assumed that the farther you were from home, the more you would learn and change. However, as I sit here in Grand Isle, still in the United States. I learned that it is not as much the distance that ushers change, but the experience. It is my first time bookpacking or doing anything like it. It has taught me to relax and to enjoy reading more than a normal trip to Grand Isle ever would.